Woot! I actually miss posting in here. A lot ^^;;;

*sigh* Time has really passed us by quickly before we realise it nah. I still remember the days I flood all my discontentment here and let Lanie, Tea Rose and others comfort the pathetic me.

Now, almost everyone I know that used to be on Xanga have gone to LJ or well.. offline permenantly. u_u It's not that sad la.. I'm joining LJ myself. ^^;

Just some nostalgy I guess. And most probably some regrets... I should have post here more often when I still could get in contact with Lanie and Tea Rose. I'm pretty sure I can still contact TR-san now... But Lanie.. T___T

Lanie's my okasan na.. ;_;

I used to have the chance, but I never treasure it. I kept posting on my blogspot blog or just simply lurking about. When I finally decided to get active, my health crashed yada yada, got isolated from both real and internet life. Sheesh. =__=

Anyway, I wanted to say my blog entries will still be at Contented Silence and my LJ account .

But i don't intend to actually close this Xanga account or something. I may feel naughty at times and play around here. XDD Ok, what am I talking about.. -__-"

I just miss posting here nah.. so yea.. I may still be posting around here ^^;;;

Ja'

Oh my.. ^^;;; From April-end to September-start... o_O It's like 3 months and 1 day period span since I last posted in here!!

Ehehehe... gomenasai~~! Gomen ne Lanie, TR, Keax, and all the many kind souls who visit here ^^ REALLY SORRY >___<

Anyway, I'm learning to take things less seriously no da ^__<
I'm fated with this *stupid* illness (I mean, what do I need sooo much sleep and medication for??!), sure I'll fight to conquer it, but I'll learn to fight with it happily (ok... that sounds a tad too sadistic ^^;;;)

So what if I really have to re-take my Sec 3 course next year? I won't lose any meat or blood or whatever pain-inflicting stuffs ne!

Well, I may end up having huge gaps with my friends, but nah~ things like that shouldn't place gaps in between friends... Besides there's no space big enough for gaps >;D Heh!

By the by... another failed relationship >__< *turn to solemn mode*

Honestly, I'm getting tired of trying to put the past behind and really learn to accept the erm well... factors in ar.. relationships ^^;;;

But oh heck~! *champion woman mode* Not in a *relationship* doesn't mean I'm alone! I'm not that pathetic am I! O__O *hmph* I still have FRIENDS! and FAMILIES!

Scooby-Dooby-DOOO~~ (ehe.. gomen.. got a little over-addictive with that toon recently ^^) 

I'm lame... My life's lame.. Humiliation is lame... Did i mention HUMILIATION IS LAME??!! cos' I hate humiliation!!

Why? *glares at heaven and demand* WHY WHY WHY?!! why am i born so clumsy! Such a klutz??! -____-'' ok.. I should get to the point now

Was doing some studying yesterday, before I got bored and chatted online for awhile, before I blasted the damned-or-soon-be-damned computer and had finally gotten myslef into the superior boredom of the century (¬_¬)

My neighbour 'dropped-by' nonetheless to help me rescue that *damned* computer, and when he did so, the boredom I felt was very well shown on my face.

He was practically killing me with his criticisms about my pathetic-looking face.

[FLASHBACK]
The first step he took into my house, " -__- You look pathetic.."

Me: " -__________- You look pathetic too... even more so"

He: " -_________________- No I don't.. and if I do, it's because I'm imitating you"

Me: *monotone* (really bored) "y.u.c.k~ Forget it. I'm prettier than you"

He: "... ..."

Me: "... ..."

He: "You look pathetic..."

- and so the world goes on revolving around the pathetic looks I had yesterday -

[apx 30 mins later]
He: "Get out and have some fresh air lah! You look half-dead... if not, you look dead ^.~"

Me: "hn"

He: -___-

Me: (¬_______________¬)

He: "Let's go. Eaten? My treat 'k?"

Me: $__$!! Ikuso!!! *drags him by the collar and dashed out*
[END of FLASHBACK]

Ok~~ but that's nothing humiliating... but what's really humiliating?? I'll be damned to hell and back!! >___<

Maybe I should thank whoever-up-there that he's not seeing me in court for being "molested" ^^v But it's not MY fault damn it!

Firstly, thank my ever trusty slip-on for being a ultra slip-off at Admiralty MRT station and make me lose my balance.
Secondly, thank my ever mobile neighbour for being an ultimate statue positioned at my behind-left.
Thirdly, thank the ever natural human instincts for being my natural reflex of shooting up my hand all over to get a balancing support.

Lastly, thank whatever stupidity I'm born with to grab hold of the least likely *thing* to be a balancing object. Hell and DAMN those idiots for snickering at my poor innocent soul!! My hand's polluted damn it!!! *HAULT* I really should stop using that damned word "damn" ^^;;

By the by, that very instant when I grabbed that *thing*, both of us were like "Agr~~?!?! O__O" *jerks off like touching a boiling kettle*

-__________________-
We fell into D.E.A.D.L.Y silence.
With HIM blushing and ME grinning idiotly ^^;;;;;;

After some time (maybe a minute or two), I asked, "eh... but it's ar.. soft...?"

He gave me an exasperated look and snapped back with an equally exasperated tone "PLEASE!!! Who will for no reason be hard?!??"

Me: ^^;;; sorry ^^

- END OF HUMILIATION -

*bounce bounce!* (got infected by Lanie's bouncing habit na~ ^^) There's this cute young boy (ok, he's definitely older than me ^.~) who came just now to collect "the newspaper money" and he's just soooo cute! ahahaha! He makes me all genki over! ^__^ guess I have a weak tendency for shy cute puppy-eyes guys.. eheh!

I was busy munching my TimeOut chocolate *whee!* when he came so I just let him wait by the door anyway (aha! mean of me XD) while I go wash my hands.

When I came back I was like waiting for him to say something (by just LOOKING at him with an imaginary question mark of cos) and he stood there looking back at me instead for like a minute or so -_-"

KAWAII~~ ehe.. kk.. something's wrong with me X___x Then he started to blabber (so cute! ahaha!) and told me his purpose of visiting.

[In chinese]
Him: erm.. for the "newspaper money".. (his eyes were almost crying ^^;;;)
Me: oh! ar, how much ^^"? (I was on the verge of laughing for his no-reason nervousness)
Him: erm.. ar.. $39.95 (he blushed! ahahaha!)
Me: orgh.. wait ar.. *went to get money* (still on the verge of laughing)
Me: *pass him the money* (I must be grinning like mad by this time)
Him: *search for change for my $50 with a very very red face* (cuuuuttttee!! *starry-eyes*)

I was still wondering how come he gave me back $10.05 as my change (obviously my brain had slowed down in function from all the grinning ^^;;). So he stood there waiting almost crying! *rolling on the floor laughing like an insane woman*

He's so puppy-like that I want to pat his head and tell him I'm not scary!! And maybe if I feel generous I may even give him some of my TimeOut! ahah! kk.. -.-" something's really wrong with me today... 

Ok... a lot of people are going to be really disappointed by me... I'm not well-determined and and I never make up my mind to do something... (one of my worst point, I can't sit still to do the same thing for even a short period of time >.<)

First of all I need to thank Lanie, Jin and Ru for trusting me so much for being strong for myself and giving me all the support and re-assurance just when I need them the most. *huggles tight* Things would be so much tougher without you guys ne ^__<

Back to point... 
Spend the whole of last night and early morning sorting things out with him.. I hang up the phone at 3.45 a.m -_-" and practically spent 85% of the conversati0on time crying, sniffing and choking on my words -______-0

He was crying too, we both were. Then again, both of our egos are THAT big that it's impossible for us to admit to one another that we're crying. But it's so obvious that it's like one of those 'duh..!' things...

I had been way-off-determined that I even surprised myself, at least, that was untill the near end...

He gave up all the persuading what-so-ever, he was very angry by then I supposed... angry and numbed... he gave his final speech, of surrender, of giving up, then it all hit me suddenly.

It hit me so unexpectedly and so much with impact that I really choked (I'm serious, I really did), choked by my own sobbing, muffled by my hand, trying in vain to tone down my sobbings...

And out of the blue, it became to unbearable for me to let go... It became too unbearable for me to hear him so in angst and despair... It became unbearable for me to think that I'd just made him cry (tho' there's a certain sense of satisfaction but that's pure mean of me XD)...

Then, it overturned.. I became the one who gave up, I became the one who, once again, bootlicks, hypocritically bootlick from the route I'd set up before... I'm disappointed with myself... even hating myself again...

Ehehe... kk.. Lan-chan's going to frown at this again... ahaha! Daijobu! I'll have to learn to stop despising myself ne! *huggles in assurance* I've learned to stop treating everything like it means the whole world, that's just too erm.. 'gigglish-teenage-girl' for me ^^"

I've to get back to what I am before lah... the one whom I prefer and feel more comfortable being ^^v demo... that means I'm going to be with even more bad points in my charactor XD ehe.. (too lazy and laid-back!)

But oh well, just threw a tantrum with him again *sweatpours* ~.~ First thing in the morning he called me "pig" through the phone, and now ended up we not talking to each other again.. *shrug* oh well.. happens all the time ^^;;; but if this time we really aren't going to be taliking to each other again, suit him, I can build up my determination again v^.^v